A life full of hiccups.

I'm here to rant. I used to do that with Nave every other day on the phone. I've been feeling really lousy after we stopped talking.

While typing out this post, I'm popping M&M's chocolates like some addictive drugs~



Of course, there's always a downside for everyone.
I'm only human

Chocolates are effective remedies for my wounded heart; feeling that my life & career has come to such a stagnant point that it is leading to no-where in the near future. Perhaps it's a kind of stress I feel I'm going through(that might burst out anytime) ever since I know that Jackie & I are getting a house soon but I'm still financially unstable. I'm worried about my financially instability. Perhaps, that's how I gained my 5 kilos within 2 months.

This is the point where I decided to throw the rest of my M&M's away.

Getting a house in Singapore means that the wedding bells are on their way too. Nevertheless not only have we not started to go to the dentist (for braces & teeth whitening), we've not even touched on our supposedly diet plans to lose those fugly fats! To add on to my worries, my account book flashes an amount not more than a hundred. FML!


And I still haven't started going for my driving lessons yet. FML, again.

The thing about being a tutor is that although it's flexible timing and you get plenty of time to do some other things that you like, some parents can simply terminate your lessons as and when they like. Then there's this other  issue about tuition fees. Some parents can owe you tuition fees & still refuse to pay up. And you have no proof against them. Like in my case of a parent who has owed me about $300 since June. She has yet to pay up and I am helpless about it.

Then comes my passion in music.
It's NOT going anywhere, from the way I see it.

For friends & loved ones who have been to All About Eve Bar to support me. Especially to Meibao, Gim & Jackie Goh who never fail to come support me ALL the time even though I bore the hell out of you guys. Without you, I would've totally given up in August.

Well, it DOES hurts to see the bar totally empty at times until AFTER your performance set.

Still counting, I'm singing at the bar for almost a year now. My friend, Desmond, who's also my guitarist, has stopped playing with me at the bar since May. In the next 3 months, I've changed several band members due to their other personal commitments: 2 keyboadists, 3 drummers, 2 bassists & 3 guitarists. On top of that, the band comes in a different combination weekly, which means all my 4-hour rehearsals were to start from scratch: remixing of the beats, familiarizing the songs, trying out the version. Usually, it takes up to an hour just to get a song finalized. Imagine we have to do all 10songs.

In other words, I've been singing the same 10 songs over & over again for the past 3 months. I reckoned that's one main reasons why customers stopped coming back. It's utterly boring to listen to 10 same songs weekly when you come to the bar to chill.

However, there is this special group of band members who has, by far, stayed with me for the longest & among the best I've played music with. 3 weeks weren't long, but enough for us to become fast friends.




Left to right: Yi Yang(keyboardist), Me, Glendon(drummer), Jonathan(guitarist), Ace(bassist + leader)

Thanks to Ace who never gave up searching for new members to play for the band via forums, we survived through. Here's a link to one of our performance on facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150255546567400&set=t.1416213259&type=3&theater


Like I said, members come & go. Last week was supposed to be our last performance together. However, we did the performance with a new guitarist, John instead:

 Jie Tou, by Zhang Hui Mei:



Except for Yiyang, the other band members have gone for further studies. Before Ace left, he managed to find a new band so that I can continue with my performances.

Every week, I review these videos & reflect upon myself to see where I can improve. There's plenty of room for improvements. For those who've stood by me thus far, you know how much I love you for your tolerance towards my amateur vocals & stage-performance.

Sigh. When can I ever be good enough?

Oh yes, I remember something which has been at the back of my mind for awhile. Earlier this year, M1 held a new programme known as the "M1 Blackberry Ambassador Programme". When you are selected as one of their blackberry ambassadors, it is said that you will be able to get the latest blackberry smartphone, paypal credits worth $50 to purchase blackberry apps, M1 smartphone plan & BB service.

I was one of the selected first-batch Ambassadors. When I tweeted about it, friends were congratulating me on Twitter.

But this piece of good news didn't last long.

The next day after I was invited down for the briefing which was to be held at some hotel the same week, I was told that due to the overwhelming number of people attending, they will have to postpone my briefing to a later date.

Overwhelming number of people attending this programme? It smells fishy. Does it mean they actually accepted all registrations instead of selecting the ideal ones? Of course I didn't want to create a scene then and obliged to the mail.

Then a few weeks later, I heard that a SECOND batch of ambassadors was chosen and Darren was one of the lucky ones to be selected.

Whatever happened to my postponed briefing?!

Thinking that the staff accidentally missed me out of the mails, I sent an email in regards to this issue. To my disbelief, they responded that unfortunately, I was to be re-selected and this time round, I didn't qualify.

Then why was I QUALIFIED and chosen the first time???

I was upset not because I can't get that complimentary bb phone, but because the word 'didn't qualify' sounded utterly hurting. I wasn't participating for a contest for goodness sake, and the excuses they gave were totally unconvincing. Obviously they weren't respecting the individuals as their ambassadors. In a fit of anger, I deleted all their emails & 'unliked' their facebook page.

My guts feelings were right.

Unlike me, Darren went for the briefing, was given his handset but later encounter some issues with the programme. Read about his disappointment here. It's far worse than what I've been through. Coming to think of it,  'I didn't qualify' was actually a blessing in disguise afterall.

After all I've said, it definitely seems like I'm procrastinating my life away. As a matter of fact, I think I am.

With the thoughts of me not being able to save up the amount and achieving my new year resolutions at the end of the year is troubling me a lot--lost and helpless. I can't sleep well every night, waking up to the slightest sound heard, dreaming about walking aimlessly in dark forests.

At times like this, time spent with friends & family get me off those tension hooks; an effective escape route. All good things comes to an end though, and at the end of the day, I'm left deeply in thoughts & fear again.

I wish I'm able to be in control of my life.


Lunch outing with Thiang & Silver before Thiang went overseas to study. I can't wait for her to come back so we can start planning for our show.


Here's Binbin and I taking our FIRST bus ride together. After 10years, she's the FIRST person whom I've brought to my secret hiding place (when I was young), one which overlooks the entire Bukit Panjang district. So that day was extremely special to me, so is Binbin.



This is the place where I shared all my darkest secrets & ambitions with my BFF during my secondary school days. Whenever we played truants, encounter BGR problems, feeling vex or just to gaze at the stars on a starry night, this was our cozy corner. You can see both the raising & setting sun from here.

Children.

Adorable, innocent & make you happy. My cousins, Manfred & Cody, will call me up whenever they miss me. Tellingl me just that, and asking me when I'll visit them and bring them out to play. I made an effort, & together with their mum, we brought them to Choa Chu Kang Lot 1 for lunch last week.

It was just a simple lunch at Ajisen's Ramen, but they were totally over the moon!


That's Manfred Chua in grey and Cody, dress in White.


Won't you look at Cody's complexion, flawless!



When children uses your camera, you get photographs from a child's perspective. When I reviewed the photos taken by my cousins back at home, I got many taken upwards, with lots of blockage by elbows of grown-ups, their backsides. Then there are photos of walking legs, legs & more legs from their eye level. It's amazing as I know I won't be able to take that kind of shots anymore. Like this one of me from a child's angle, taken by Cody:




I was at Yongwei's place to do some recordings for this new Channel U singing contest called "I wanna Sing".It's a contest where you submit an online video of yourself singing any ONE of their chosen songs from their song list. You might stand a chance to win $2000. Interested? Let's join the contest together! Yongwei's video is already uploaded.

Look what he dug out from a secret spot in his room to show me:




The short film featuring him as the leading role Faichai, a 29year old trying to lose his virginity before he reach 30. This is the film where he bared his backside! I want to watch it but he refuse to lend it to me knowing it's RA but come on, I'm already 21!

Besides all these, I've been attending birthdays & birthdays. :)



Happy 21st Birthday, Gene!



Yingzi, Benvoda, Clarance, Calvin Timo and I actually did with this sparkles effect for Gene, Yingzi's clever idea. :)




Next, I was involved in giving Kaile a birthday surprise at her doorstep with all her other friends!
There's a pleasant sense of love in the air that touches my heart as we presented her birthday cake to her.

Happy sweet 22, Kaile!



Then, I attended Fenny & Angie's 18th birthday. The best part of the birthday is when we played this song game where Fenny & Angie have to figure out songs we sang randomly picked from our phones. The catch is, the songs are korean or mandarin songs which we have never heard before. So we won't know how to sing them. Instead, we try to figure out words & sing the lyrics out to them on the spot.

 
Fenny is the girl in front of me & Angie's the girl beside her holding a bear in her hand. Happy birthday, girls!

Last weekend, I attended Ivv's 21st birthday at Aranda Country Club! I've not seen her for a year or so now. As ever, she is such a jovial and cheerful girl since the last time I saw her.


Left: Me, Ivy, Yuan Feng
The three of us used to hang out everyday after school. I miss the girls.

Ivv's birthday cake was customized to look like a white Chanel bag. It's lychee-martini flavour and she didn't bear cut her cake when she was asked to do so. She hesitated for a good 15minute. I think I won't bear to cut it too if I had a Burberry bag-looking birthday cake.





Boyfriend and I managed to sneak Bubble into the chalet. He was overjoyed but got terrified  when the place became too crowded.


Look at him. Doesn't he look like a fortune cat (招财猫）？

His hair was so untidy & tangled, the groomer gave him a total shave the next day. He's bald & hiding somewhere all day. Even his favourite shirt looks too big on him now.





See what I mean. I think he looks more like a Chihuahua. The width of his legs is not even as thick as my finger! His ears are too short & pom-ish. He looks funny, not Bubble-looking at all.





He looks so funny everyone in the house kept laughing at him, with a head too big & body too tiny; I love him all the same. Give him two more months, and he'll be a normal-looking toy poodle again.


Yes, he's staring at you. Ha-ha.